i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
