Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
