1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
