then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
