She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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