I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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