In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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