It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
