hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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