Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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