Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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