Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
