I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize