I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
