You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
oh god the rape fog is back!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
