hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
