I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
