Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
