you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
