After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
