I wish i was in the wii world.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
