I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
