Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
