i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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