Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
