I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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