billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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