tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize