i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Still dying that you shit outside
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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