I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
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