I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
