I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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