I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize