smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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