She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
