im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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