When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
