beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
