You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize