omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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