Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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