This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
