he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
