Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
