if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
