im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
