Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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