Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
