I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize