i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
