you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
