I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
