im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
