i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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