so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
