Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
