all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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