I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
