Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
