I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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