Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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