is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
