You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
