i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
