I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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