Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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