im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Someone shit on the floor
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
