I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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