he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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