I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
they need to just BURY HIM!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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