My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize