i was born a porn star she said
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
