Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
