I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
