He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
