Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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