Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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