i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
