My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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