it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
