it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
