So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think I sprained my soul last night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize