it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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