Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
