Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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