So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just pee around me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
