turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
