we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
