Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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