the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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