SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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