Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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