he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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