I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
