Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
