No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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