i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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