Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
