After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
