omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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