god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
