i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
