I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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