I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
