She is in my trunk
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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