I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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