I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My hand turned me down
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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