Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
