Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize