I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
