so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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